Don't Ask, Don't Tell
by Dixie Chicken
Summary: After 24's tango with the moppets, surveillance cameras are installed in the Flying Cocoon, to keep tabs on the henchmen. What ever will 21 and 24 do when they discover this AND realize one of there most intimate moments are caught on tape? 21/24 SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

"Knock, knock!"

"Come in..."

And so 21 did, holding the get well card behind his back. It had been almost two weeks since 24 had been shanked by the murderous moppets. And while that scrap hadn't killed him and he was healing, 21 was becoming something of a nervous nelly in regards to 24's health. He was constantly checking up on him and bringing him anything he needed or wanted. As if he was afraid that if he didn't, 24 would die...and that was more or less the truth.

"Hey, man! What's up?"

21 smiled weakly at the crippled, pitiful mass of henchman that used to be his 24.

"Nothin', I uh...just wanted to bring you a little somethin'..." He trailed off as he walked over to 24's cot and placed the 8 x 11 in his friend's hand. "It's not much, but-"

"Aw, that's sweet." 24 opened and read it, but didn't know where to start since the entire inside was littered with signitures. "Damn! You got just about everyone to sign this thing, huh?"

"Yup...excluding the migitlers, of coarse."

"Of coarse..."

There was a moment of heavy silence. But only a moment. After all, this was the chatty Cathys known as 21 and 24 we're talking about here...

"So, you feeling any better?" 21 broke the silence as he plopped down on the foot of the cot.

"Yeah..." 24 answered absently, while toying with the card. He set it on the night stand before looking up at 21 again, with a new found smirk. "Thanks to my doting wife, no doubt..."

"Dude! Keep little quips like that up and everyone's gonna think we're gay!" 21 giggled, then promptly snorted. 24 smiled his widest in days. That dorky snort thing 21 did was just too... well, adorkable! So even though he had to struggle a bit to do so, 24 sat up and pecked at his boyfriend's cheek.

"Now what would give them that impression, I wonder?" 24 tried to sneak another kiss, but 21 grabbed his shoulders, holding him in place.

"Twe-24 don't! If the boss catches us-!"

"Lock the door."

"But what if someone hears-!"

"The walls are sound proof."

"You can barely sit up!"

"I'll let you do all the work. C'mon, 21...please? We haven't done it since...shit, the Monarch's bachelor party! And I think I might have just dreamt that part!" 24 stopped to rest his hands on his partner's thighs. "Please, 21? I'm really...'antsy in the pantsy' over here...if you get what I'm sayin'..." 21 sighed, buckling under his gimped-out boyfriend's charm. He gently pushed 24 back on the bed then crawled ontop of him.

"I'm back on duty in 15 minutes. Is that enough time for you, stud?" He chuckled.

"Go lock the door." 21 didn't need to be told thrice!

_15 minutes later on the nose..._

24 was snuggled in the sheets, looking more tired, and yet happier, than he did minutes before. He watched 21 clumbsily dress himself with a lopsided grin. 21 peered over his shoulder while hiking up his shorts..and he was almost certain he saw tiny, pink hearts floating about the big lug's head. He snorted, zipped up his fly, then bent over to place a sloppy kiss on said big lug's temple.

"So...it was good, then?" He asked needlessly. 24 nodded, lost in thought. His smile deflated ever so slightly before he spoke.

"You know I love you, right?"

"You've mentioned it once or twice before..." 21 replied while pulling his mask over his head and tucking strands of hair behind his ears. "Have I told you that I'm some what fond of you as well?"

"Yes, but you don't really have to."

21 raised an eyebrow, but one wouldn't know that on account of the mask. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It's like...'your eyes say the words your lips dare not speak' or...something..." He stopped, realizing that what sounded suave in his head just came out totally retarded. "I'm trying to be romantic here, you asshat!"

"You fail." 21 teased.

"Your mom!" 24 teased right back. Just then, 21's butterfly shaped pager went off. They didn't have to look at it to know who it was and why he was calling...

"Shit...24, I have to go. Monarch's gonna be pissed..."

"Aw...I wish you could stay and cuddle..."

21 gave him an apologetic pat on the cheek. Truth be told, he'd rather stay and cuddle too...in comparison to spending hours hunched over the computer reading Rusty Venture's medical files or cleaning out the piranha tank, cuddling sounded really nice...

"I know...But I'll check up on you again later and then we can cuddle to your heart's content! I'll bring you some soup too. In the meantime, take a nap or something." And with that said, 21 bolted for the door.

"I luff yew..." 24 muffled into the bed sheets as 21 went racing down the magenta hallway.

_15 seconds later..._

"WHERE IN THE HELL WERE YOU?!"

"...Sorry I'm late, Boss?"

"No! This isn't some high school elective where you can just show up late, give me a half assed apology and get off scott free! This is your job on the line here! No, wait...these are the sorry little sacs that you call your TESTICLES on the line! Now tell me where you were!"

"I was just checking up on 24, Sir! Honest! I- Hey! They're not that little!"

"TMI, 21...!" The Mighty Monarch threw his hands up in the air and turned heal for effect. The gesture was so overdramatic, it almost made 21 wonder if it was compulsive or if he practiced it in front of a mirror everyday. Just then, he dropped his hands and peered over his shoulder at 21, with the shittiest of grins."Hmm? Checking up on your incapacitated friend, eh? How convinient...no matter! A quick trip to the surveillance room will prove you innocent or-"

The Monarch was cut short by a somewhat girlish, panic striken yelp. Said girlish, panic striken yelp had come from the throat of his chubby henchman; who was as white as the doomed pray of the ruthless monarch butterfly.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

The Monarch waited impatiently while 21 struggled to form words. Then finally...

"We- uhh...heheh...We have surveillance cameras?"

"Yeah, it was the Mrs' idea. After your little mishap with her moppets, she wants to keep a better eye on you or something." Monarch was beginning to wind down while 21 was getting more and more worked up.

"S-s-ooo how long have you-?"  
"Eh, we installed them last Wednesday. And if you must know yes, every nook and cranny in the Cocoon is being recorded twenty-four hours a day. So since the butterfly is out of the bag, you might as well tell everyone so they can do me the courtesy of covering up whenever they have the urge to whack off or whatever. Now if you're quite done asking me a barrage of stupid questions, get your fat ass in the control room and do your god damn job!"

"Y-yes sir!" 21 saluted as his boss marched off elsewhere. Hopefully not the new surveillance room...

This was bad. This was really bad! 21 had no idea if the Monarch had a "don't ask don't tell" policy or what! Surveillance cameras...dammit! No one tells him anything!

21 attempted maybe three minutes of actual work before he decided that he had to tell 24. He figured he was in deep enough shit that it wouldn't matter if he abandoned his post or not. So he logged off and made a run for it across the hall. But not before asking some poor, masked choad to "cover for him."


	2. Chapter 2

Now, while 21 was running about like a, as the Monarch would say, "butterfly with his head cut off", 24 was napping peacefully...

...Until 21 kicked the door open, that is.

"24! 24! Wake up! We gotta talk right now!"

24 grumbled something inaudible, and probably not very nice, while covering his head with blankets. 21 shut the door behind him before marching over to the cot and yanking the blankets off his lump of a partner.

"Seriously, 24...we're dead if we don't think of something pronto!"

"Wait, what? Why?! What did I do?!" 24 slowly sat up and became one with the living again."...what did _you_ do...?"

"The Monarch knows, 24! About us...you know!" 21 made a lude gesture with his hands, while realization hit 24 like...well,one of the many heavy things that Sampson has thrown at his head.

And he was thrown into a panic.

"...Holy craaaaap! HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!"

"I know, right! I- Jeez, 24 calm down. Breath through your nose..."

"Are you sure? How do you know he knows? Did he tell yo- what did he say?! Did he yell? Is he going to kill us? Shit, I haven't even finished paying off car yet! I don't wanna di-ie-ie-ie-aye!"  
"Pull your self together, solider!" 21 bellowed as he shook the panicked and sickly henchman by the shoulders. Then he released him and returned to his usual goof-ball self. "Ha! Man, I've always wanted to do that, but the opporitunity never presented itself. Awesome! Anyway, he didn't say that he knew _per say_, but he said he had a secret surveillance system-"

"Oh, duh!" 24 smacked himself on the forehead lightly. "The cameras! I totally forgot!"

"Dude, you knew about this?!"

"Well, yeah. 18 and the twins installed them last week and they told me all about it." 24 shrugged, feeling a bit sheepish.  
"Aw, balls! No one ever tells me anything!" The bed shook a little as 21 collapsed on it. 24 rolled his eyes then rolled a little on his side so he was physically touching the chubbier henchman. He then toyed with said henchman's slightly stubby fingers, in an effort to console him.

"Jeez, you had me worked up there for a minute...Yeah, if the Monarch doesn't know yet, all you gotta do is sneak into the surveillance room and destroy the tape. Easy..."

21 pushed 24 aside and sat up quickly. Clearly, he wasn't the most consolable at this time...

"I don't know where that is! I didn't even know it existed until ten minutes ago!" 21 stood up and took 24's arm with him. "You're coming with me."

The poor, sickly henchman resisted as much as he possibly could.  
"You're insane! You wouldn't even let me get up by myself to use the bathroom! Now you want me to run around the Cocoon with you and steal from the Monarch? No freakin' way! What happened to fluffing my pillows and bringing me soup?"

21 scoffed, as he finally yanked the lanky sicky all the way out of the bed.

"24, if you're well enough to fuckin' ride me, you're well enough to take a little walk and help me fix this!"

"Ugh, do you always have to be so crass?! Fine!"

So after many minutes and much squabbling over nothing, there they were; Two blobs of yellow and orange leaning up against a magenta wall, trying to blend in. 24 waited for 21's signal (which happened to be Spiderman's infamous web-slinging hand sign) then he pushed open the door....ever so slightly.

After quadruple checking to make sure the coast was clear, 24 tippy-toed inside. 21 followed suit...only he was humming the theme song to "Mission Impossible."

Hey; he was in the moment!

24 smiled inwardly and joined in.

"Da. Da. Da-Da. Da. Da. Duh-Duh. Da-"

"Hey guys! Whatcha doin?"

21 and 24 stopped in mid sneak and in mid "da." Their eyes were locked with those of a third henchmen...although you could never tell, on account of the masks...

"God! Nothing, 56!" 21 whined in annoyance.

"Right! We're just...uh...we're just...hey, wait a sec- what are _you_ doing here?!" 24 tried to turn the tables on the witness and aimed his dart gun for the head. 56, however, was unimpressed.

"Uh...I work here. The boss wanted to reassign me to a post where I wouldn't 'get in his way' or something..."

24 dropped the gun and the tough guy facade.

"No kiddin'? Well...maybe you could help us..." He paused just long enough to pull up a swivel chair and plop down into it. "Ya see, 21 and I are looking for this tape. It's uh...rather personal, and-"  
"Oh, you must be talking about the sex tape! Wink, wink, nudge nudge! Know what I mean, know what I mean, huh?"

21 and 24 did, in fact, know what he meant. And it embarrassed the hell outta them.  
"Sooo...I uh, take it you watched it then?" 21 finally coughed while 24 chewed on his lip.  
"Yeah...no offense, but you guys totally wouldn't make it in the porno industry; you two talk way too much."

21 now resembled a pudgy tomato.

"We'll keep that in mind. So can we just have the tape back before Monarch-"  
"Oh, he's already seen it."  
"WHAT?!"  
"He stopped by a little while ago and I showed him."  
"56! Why would you even do that?!" 24's voice went up an entire octave.

"Hey, I get lonely in this room all by myself...I thought it make him stick around a little longer, and it did! Hey that reminds me; Boss told me to tell you to meet him in the boardroom..."  
"Oh God- Thanks a-fucking-lot, 56! C'mon 24..."  
"...coming..."

And so, our heroes left henchman number 56 in the surveillance room. Wishing upon countless stars that somehow, the prick would die a horrible surveillance-duty related death.


	3. Chapter 3

Now purple was not normally an intimidating color. But in the boardroom in the lair of the Monarch, it was the color of death. 21 and 24 opened the purple door and peered into the purple room and sat down in the purple seats and waited for the shadowy figure of the Monarch to deliberate their fate.

21 was certain that the last thing he'd ever see on this earth was fucking purple.

Finally, the Monarch stood up, and stepped out of the shadows. He spent a great deal of time just looming over them and looking menacing. But then finally, he said...

"You both know why you're here, correct?"

"Yes sir..." 24 responded weakly, not even looking at him. This was worse than the time his mom (God rest her soul) had caught him masturbating when he was fourteen. And that had been excruciating!

But this was far worse. This time, he truly did want to die. He wanted to just burst into flames and die.

Then 21 (ever the brazen) grabbed his hand and worked 24's nerves up even more. But at the same time, it was a sweet gesture and he no longer wished death upon himself.

"Look guys, I don't have a heart of fucking stone over here. You're not in trouble, so the both of you can unclench your ass cheeks and settle the fuck down, okay?"

24 did relax a little bit...but he still had 21's hand in a death grip. 21 didn't seem to mind much.

"I just want to know what the fuck is going on and lay down a few rules...so I never have to see you jiggling, white asses ever again! GOD!" The Monarch pinched the bridge of his nose, while 21 cleared his throat to speak. 24 immediately looked up from his lap and stared at 21.

"Well boss, it's exactly what it looks like – your two best men like men...and love each other." 21 glanced to his right and was delighted to find 24 had turned pink. "And, sometimes, we have sex."

"Hm. How sweet." Monarch spat as he walked in a small circle around them. "So you guys are pretty serious, eh? Are those scarring images going to be a regular occurrence?"

"They could stand to be a little more regular..." 24 mumbled, starting to feel a bit more comfortable...until 21 smacked him at any rate. "Ow!"

"I heard that!" 21 turned his attention once again towards the furrowed, well groomed eyebrows of the Monarch. "Our sex life is fine, boss."

"Oh goody!" Monarch clapped his hands together in mock enthusiasm. "Really 21, you have no idea how relieved I am to know that two gay men are having a healthy diet of anal sex in my flying cocoon! No really, thank you! I mean it."

"...For the record, I'm bi-"

"Oh you are not! That's a lie!"

"How would you know?!"  
"Name three parts of the vagina. Go!"

"The uterus...the...um...the mucus membrane..."  
"You are so gay!"  
"That doesn't prove anything!"

"ARE YOU TWO QUITE FUCKING FINISHED?!"

Apparently they were. Now that their boss had returned to his scary self...

"Okay here's what's going to happen; I'm going to disable the surveillance cameras in both of your rooms. You heard your leader! Now you have two designated havens to get all cozy and comfy. But on two conditions. One, I NEVER catch you two butt-brothers doing the mattress mambo EVER again! Two, you don't tell my wife, or anybody else about this. The last thing I fucking need is to be accused of playing favorites..."

The henchmen were rendered speechless. Which was a true accomplishment on the Monarch's part.

However, all good things must come to an end, the Mighty Monarch supposed....

"Wow...thank you Sir!"

"Yeah, you have no idea how much this means to us!"

"We thought you were gonna bust our balls over this-"

"Thank you for not busting our balls, we like our balls you know-"

"Alright enough! As much as I like to listen to you two grovel at my feet, you should be doing your god damn jobs! Or enjoying your new found privacy for the two and a half minutes it takes 'Studly Do Right' over here." 24 paled visibly. 21 was torn between tending to his boyfriend's wounded ego and considering calling him 'Studly Do Right' from now on. Hey; it's an awesome nick-name.

"Now GO!"

The Mighty Monarch watched his two best men leave the board room hand in hand. He couldn't help but notice that as they reached the door frame, 21 stopped and whispered something into the other man's ear. Then they both trotted off down the narrow hallway. Towards one of their rooms, no doubt. The Monarch slumped down his his thrown at the head of the long table and plopped down in it. He stared at the ceiling and played absently with his left eyebrow, contemplating what to do next until it occurred to him...

Fuck. Now he owed his wife a pair of Benjamens.

END


End file.
